File:Contemplating Sadness, Terror, and Ostracization (7)

During the times recently when I was taking walks and getting out of My House on occasion, I felt great liberation, but it was fleeting. Look at the birds. They can move anywhere they want to whenever they want to. I can't.

That reality has been weighing on me. I was followed the last time I walked, and it's a mystery to me whether or not I might have been attacked if I made a false step. Horror that will become terror in time.

How is one to conduct himself when he has a responsibility whose fulfillment might lead to nothing good? A chance, a hope, that's all my life is built atop.

The barrel, the barrel, the barrel, the barrel, the barrel, it's consuming me.